RETARD FIGHT!

Yeah, I know, that headline is a tad insensitive. . . but it was the first thing I thought of when I read this: Because the movement is still young, emos and Scene kids often find themselves battling for territory. EJ said she, Kirra and Eliza received abuse from emos, who accused them of "ripping off their style". "They go 'Oh, what are you doing here? This is our genre'," she said. "Scene people are completely different. You've got to be really confident, outgoing and not shy." Crystal McKenna, a 17-year-old emo from Warrnambool, south of Melbourne, is not a fan of Scene kids. "They are like wannabe emos. It is more the fact that they change just to be in with everything that is going on at the time," she said. God I hate "scenes." All of them.* Actually, I'll expand on that: I hate kids. Well, pre-teens and teens. Until they're about, oh, 11 or so, I'm OK with kids. Especially the sub-3 year olds. They're cool with being picked up real fast and they laugh at funny faces. I'm GREAT at that. I easily transition into Mr. Babytalk when I'm around a baby. And I'm more than willing to let the 6-year-olds beat the crap out of me with Nerf toys while I'm trying to enjoy a beer with their parents. Hell, I'm even willing to babysit every now and then, although that usually means I stock up on candy and "real" coke, fill those precious snowflakes to the brim with sugar and caffeine and send them home to their parents, knowing full well that I'll never be asked to babysit again. Unfortunately, the crotchfruit eventually grow into teens, discover "popularity" and drift into that realm of being in dire need of a solid slap on the back of the head, but NOOO, that's "battery," which the authorities generally frown on. It used to be that if you wanted to look like a jackass 15-year-old, you had to work at it some; now they've got Hot Topic and the 'net. So they're lazy and they look stupid. . . and look exactly alike. Great. One can only hope that the guys have multicolored, but mostly black mind you, prophylactics for that special moment when they actually con a girl into the mournful, oh-I'm-so-sensitive-spooning-that-eventually leads-to-insertion after last period Creative Writing class. If they manage to accidentally breed sad little emo-lets, we're screwed. God only knows how fast those little bastards can spawn. It'd be like a zombie invasion of suck, with worse hair and less brain-eating. Also, this "article" made me realize that I am now a crotchety old man. . . and I'm not even old. And yes, I realize that I won't get better at ignoring this kind of stuff, just, hopefully, more numb. Bah, get off my lawn. *However, WAY up at the top of the list of "teen culture" movements I hate are the ones requiring the males of the species to wear girls jeans and try to look as much as possible like homosexuals. Not that I have anything against homosexuals. Heck, if I had the money (and if it were legal) I'd pay a giant, Goliath-looking MF'r of a leather-queen bear to go around looking for 16-year-old boys wearing guyliner and listening to Hawthorne Heights (or whomever) and beat the crap out them for misrepresenting their sexuality and giving real gays a bad reputation.