In the interest of fostering those manners, I suppose I should let loose the reason for my internet vanishing act:
If you have a dog with a proclivity to make HALO jumps into the lap of his doting master while said master is sleeping or otherwise unaware and unprepared for the impending canine Fallschirmjäger assault, for all that is holy in this world, keep his frightfully, unaccountably sharp nails trimmed and buffed into slightly-less-painful dullness. Otherwise, you might find yourself curled into the fetal position on your bathroom floor clutching a handful of paper towels and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide in white-knuckled hands, all the while petitioning JesusAllahBuddha for sweet death to take you away from the alternating waves of nausea, the sharp, tearing pain, and the sight of what is rapidly becoming a blood-covered crotch.
Just an FYI.
(Am I being facetious? Is that really what happened? Only I know.)
Perhaps I'll sue you for an in-kind contribution of some sort, like having you come paint my car or weed my garden.
ReplyDelete*evil laughter*
on the serious side:
This is one reason I refuse to own a dog or a cat.
Dude, you don't want to see the tragedy that results when I get near anything resembling lawn or car care; I mean, I keep the truck running and the lawn is alive in the clinical sense, but that's about it.
ReplyDeleteBesides, it's not the dog's fault when he does something he's not supposed to, it's mine for not properly instructing him. Besides, he has sad puppy eyes that kill me. . . and I'm a heartless bastard.
Oh, and cats are evil incarnate.
ReplyDelete