Saturday, October 17, 2009

Wake Up Sheeple! (or, How Buzz Aldrin is going to find you and punch you in the face)

I just read have just been enlightened by some truly amazing work. Really. I mean it. Of course, it's COMPLETE crap, but. . . it's an amazing job: easily, without a shadow of a doubt, in the wackjob-conspiracy-theory hall of fame. A sample of the masterpiece to which I refer:
It is important to note that the room in question was numbered 217 in the Stephen King version of The Shining. For unknown reason's Kubrick changed it to 237.

Those unknown reasons are about to be come known.

Danny is literally carrying a symbolic Apollo 11, on his body, via the sweater, to the Moon as he walks over to room 237. Why do I think this?

Because the average distance from the Earth to the Moon is 237,000 miles.

The real truth is that this movie is really about the deal that Stanley Kubrick made with the Manager of the Overlook Hotel (America). This deal was to get Kubrick to re-create, in other words, to fake, the Apollo 11 Moon landing.
EUREKA! 4 pages may seem long, but trust me (and why shouldn't you?) the words just fly by. In no time at all YOU WILL JOIN ME WITHIN THE RANKS OF THE ENLIGHTENED. Read the whole thing.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Need a bigger boat

I guess I abstractly knew that such a thing existed, but now I have a burning desire to be cited for "Unlawful Possession of a Great White Shark." I'm not sure how, but I'm pretty sure being able to say that I was cited for unlawfully possessing Jaws would enhance my life in many ways.

it'd be even cooler if the shark had a fricken' laser