Dude, BEAR

The idiocy of people. . . Panda attacks man who wanted a cuddle at Chinese zoo A PANDA at a zoo in southern China attacked a student who sneaked into its pen hoping for a cuddle. The 20-year-old male student surnamed Liu jumped over the fence at the zoo in the tourist city of Guilin, ignoring warning signs not to, Xinhua news agency said. "The panda, named Yangyang, was wide awake. Apparently scared by the intruder, he bit at Liu's arms and legs," it quoted an unnamed worker as saying. Zoo keepers managed to calm the bear and rescue Mr Liu, the report said. "Yangyang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him," Mr Liu was quoted as saying from his hospital bed. "I didn't expect he would attack." Scientists believe fewer than 2000 giant pandas live in the wild in China. "Didn't expect he would attack?" Really, even though it's, like, a BEAR and stuff? I know Pandas and other wild f'ing animals are all cute and cuddly looking, but that doesn't mean they're actually cute and cuddly. Not to be too heartless, but maybe the workers should have just let this guy Darwin himself. Hell, if some random dude just started trying to hug me, I'd be justifiably annoyed. . . probably enough to want to attack.* And I'm not a BEAR.** *Cute ladies are still free to hug me (though I'd still prefer some warning) without fear of being mauled. . . maybe. **Yeah, yeah, [generic gay joke goes here], etc.