BUILDING boss Howard Shelley carried out the ultimate DIY conversion — by CASTRATING himself so he could become a woman.The 42-year-old dad of two decided on the drastic move after being told he would have to wait at least two years for a sex change on the NHS.
He found a website which gave a step-by-step guide to the eye-watering home surgery, then waited till wife Janet went out before setting to work with a kitchen knife in the loo.
With the job done, he wrapped his severed appendages in a cloth and dropped them in the bin.
Then he drove five miles to his local GP, explained what he’d done, and was packed off for treatment at the Stoke Mandeville Hospital, near Aylesbury, Bucks.
Amazingly, three days later he was back at his desk.
Now compare and contrast this H.A.C. with the one I posted yesterday regarding a guy who wanted to be rid of his giblets and hired someone else to do the deed. In the contest of who has the bigger balls (that aren't attached to the body), this new guy definitely wins:
“The worst bit was steeling myself for the first cut. The whole thing took six minutes. It was agony, but I knew I couldn’t stop.”Hell yeah, dude. That's how to take the bull by the, er, balls! Not only were you not discovered naked, bleeding, and berry-less by your daughter, but you drove yourself to the hospital, strolled into the lobby like John F'ing Wayne, legs akimbo (obviously), and said, "Yeah, I cut off my own balls, pilgrim; now stitch me up and make me a woman, because that's how much of a MAN I am."
So in honor of these two paragons of the art of H.A.C., I present to you this little gem of a '70's commercial. The use of The Entertainer as theme music just adds to the hilarity. I love the little wink at the end, but honey, you better go easy on busting your husbands balls, he might just decide he'd rather be a woman.
No comments:
Post a Comment