Sunday, April 23, 2006

Steven Seagal Watch #11

That's right, the Ponytailed One is back, and this time it's NOT a movie on the USA network at 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday. Nor is it life-changing display of his patented flurry of punches or the blizzard of roundhouse kicks he can unleash from at will from underneath his belt-overhanging gut, rather, it's a "rare appearance" at a Canadian casino with his band, Thunderbox (chuckle-snort). Even now, his Canadian True Fans can see the oily master of the art of human destruction LIVE and in person, mumbling and whispering his way through the opus that is "Songs From the Crystal Cave," which we first mentioned here.

The steamroller that is Seagal is rolling through Canada as we speak. . . prepare yourselves for annihilation, for a U.S. tour cannot be far behind. And people laughed when I told them they needed to stockpile food and ammunition. . .


  1. What is he doing to is face? It looks painful.

  2. I think he's about to pull the skin and flesh from his skull, thus beginning the Great Transformation, which will unleash his martial arts knowledge upon the world in a single instant, an event none of our puny mortal minds will comprehend, much less survive intact.