Monday, September 25, 2006

Weekend Update

8 things I either learned or had reaffirmed this weekend:

1) A dog (not on its leash, not being supervised) should thank me for being knowledgeable enough to know that when he attacked Conscientious Objector (on a leash, which was being held be me) while we were walking on the other side of the damn street, it was not his fault, but rather the fault of his owners. I know Mr. Husky just thought we were trespassing on "his" territory, and that he thought he was protecting the other side of a public street. He should thank me for A) not shooting his snarling, biting ass, or B) not doing more to him than putting him into a submission pose until he calmed down. See, my dog's middle name is Conscientious Objector because he's, well, a pansy. He's a great alarm system, and I know he'd protect me if he really had to, but he knows I'm the pack leader and aggression of any sort is not tolerated in our two animal pack. Unfortunately, Mr. Husky's owner(s) apparently don't feel the same way. Train your pets people; don't let them train you.

2) It's almost worth it to sell a kidney to make a beautifully blued Colt Lightweight Commander, Series 80, chambered in .38 Super, affordable.

3) When the assembly holding a lawnmower blade onto the lawnmower breaks, a lawnmower blade, after bouncing off the ground and flying approximately 15 feet, has enough velocity to bury itself approximately 7 inches into the trunk of a Silver Maple.

4) I need a new lawnmower blade.

5) I don't need a new leg, so I don't mind that I need a new lawnmower blade.

6) Visiting the elderly in the hospital is good for the soul, especially when the elderly person used to be a nun/schoolteacher.

7) Seeing planes and helicopters circling and lingering very, very low over your neighborhood several times in the same day, is not only annoying, but disconcerting.

8) Tinfoil hats are easy to make; tinfoil cowboy hats take much more time and effort.
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