Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Steven Seagal Watch #10

If Local, State, and Federal authorities had trouble handling Katrina they should have called Steven Freakin' Seagal--because he's the badddddeeesssttt of the bad, baby! And I mean bad. But with all this hurricane coverage whatever it is the monotone avenger is up to, and I'm sure it involves ninjas or lost treasure, is not making the news (probably just as the stealthy Seagal planned). So, until his return to the headlines here are some fun Seagal-related sites to visit. This one has the 10 universal rules of Seagal movies, for example:

3.A great amount of broken limbs
One of the fun parts of watching a Seagal flick is to count the number of broken legs, arms and fingers that his character inflicts on his enemies. I'm at a loss to think of which movie has the most broken limbs but I'll estimate that in his career he's probably broken over 200 or more. I think that he should just make a movie where he walks down the street breaking people's arms!
This site has lots of Seagal stuff, although it's not the most user friendly and contains graphic language, but it does have a drinking game!
"Any character discusses his CIA or strange past - One drink
Steven won’t tell them about his past when asked - Two drinks"
Drinking is almost a requirement when watching a Seagal flick, and paying attention to the rules will limit your contact with the gaping plot holes. However, the cake-taker is the Seagal Haiku section, meant to be read in a Steven Seagal voice whisper; here's a taste:
Take over this ship?
That's just not gonna happen.
I'm taking you down.
Both the drinking game and the Haiku's can be found under the "Spoofs" section. I liked the site's content, if not design, so much I decided to try my own haiku:
Executive Decision.
Never in decent movie again.
Wish I had really died.

No comments:

Post a Comment